On the Geek vs. The Creator (with special guest commentary by Space-Kanye!)

Since this concerns Bioware and Mass Effect, I thought I'd invite a guest commentator in, who's a well-placed and knowledgeable company insider.



Behold Space-Kanye. Internet demagogue.

Yes. I've already conveyed my thoughts concerning Mass Effect 3's ending, and why it irritated me so much as a writer. We're good. We don't need to pull from that well again, so you can rest easy. This isn't another foray into that. Though, to be perfectly honest I could go on at great length as what I see to be pure ad hominem attacks from both the pro and con camps, as well as what I see to be the completely idiotic adoption of the pedigree/opinion problem from some gaming "journalists". For those of you playing along at home, the pedigree/opinion problem is basically the idea that an opinion, however properly constructed or rationally delivered, is directly proportional in it's legitimacy and weight to the pedigree of the person giving it.

Basically, it means that if you're some nobody online, the chances of your opinion actually carrying any gravitas is about as likely as your newest gamer webcomic becoming a smash hit. Why? Because you're from the internet, silly - don't you know that everyone online is nothing more than self-entitled misinformed barely-human blog-goblins? It doesn't matter if you've done your homework, refrain from logical fallacies, or deliver your opinion in anything resembling a grammatically correct statement, or clever Oscar Wilde-esque rejoinder. You're a whiny basement dweller from the web. The funny thing I see about certain game "journalists" adopting this stance is that journalism in and of itself was partly aimed as a check against this kind of class establishment mentality. Hence the oh-so-sublte quotation marks.

I'm so damned witty.

But this isn't about the ME3 ending(s), or knee-jerk labeling. This is about the possibility of a new conversation between creator and consumer.



Before I shuffled off of DeviantArt, there was an interesting article posted up concerning the developments at Bioware and the conversation between fans and creators that pulled on quotes from the community- including established personalities within the professional side of the venue. It was a pretty involved read, as these things are wont to be, but there was a lot of high-concept hyperbole being thrown around that I can't help but think damages the discussion more than it helps.

I'm paraphrasing here, but one comment in particular amounted to stating that this development with Bioware constituted a new dialogue paradigm; a new situation that was as important to communication as the invention of the written word itself.

At the risk of engaging in an ad hominem juvenile slugfest . . . lol whut? I believe the words you are looking for here are "presumptuous", "pretentious", "misleading", and "what is this, I don't even...".

Off kilter stumping aside, I have to point out something that's patently obvious here. The discussion, orBioware's seeming capitulation to the mob (hardly a surrender, as they're not changing the ending at all, only providing MORE of what some online were railing so loudly against) is not a shocking turn of events. You see, this isn't a new discussion, for one, and for another thing it's hardly any kind of new development in the life cycle of the creator versus the consumer. There has been a constant back and forth for ages, only exacerbated by the acceptance of the internet itself.

We geeks are a passionate lot, and can flashmob online like nobody's business when it comes to causes we believe in. No cause is more ready-made for our virtual ire than a poor ending or rationale-breaking change to a beloved piece of entertainment we've invested ourselves in. See also: anytime a class is changed in an MMO, the ending to Battlestar Galactica, "Nerfing" in any video game, changing established characters in a television series in bizarre fashions, delays concerning sequel releases (hello there, Half Life Episode 3), certain TCG cards being ruled illegal at tournaments, radically different versions of tabletop RPG franchises being released, etc etc etc . . .



You get the idea.

Yes, sadly, there are a LOT of geek campaigns and geek campaigners out there who are charging up their respective hills to achieve victory purely under the "we are owed this" banner. We do so because we're passionate, and at times it honestly feels that it's the only way to affect the world around us; or that the time we spend invested in and supporting the things we love automatically (or should) guarantee a payoff; or at the very least some kind of soul-soothing refund. But this is hardly a universal constant, and the idea of a company or creator actually listening to the fans being presented as a new or radical concept is out and out ridiculous, if not completely misleading.

IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

So why the big to-do over it now? Because it's Bioware, and because the Mass Effect franchise is something of a milestone in interactive story-telling and content experience. However, that's not why it's so hard for people to accept, or even acknowledge as business as usual. It's because the idea that these creators are inherently against us sounds far more plausible to our minds. It's the acceptance of the conspiracy theory - it makes us feel smarter, more informed, and able to outmaneuver the machinations of "them". When we feel that something we love is ruined, we quickly switch mental modes from "the creator is AWESOME" to "torchesandpitchforks.exe". This is unfortunately perpetuated based on two huge misconceptions, flavored with some truth, a dash of conjecture, and a huge dollop of pre-programmed mistrust. Let me tackle those, and I'll use the current situation with Bioware as an example.

1. They are evil, and only out to make money. They don't care about us.

This one kind of boggles my mind in a whole circular-reason-come-lately vein. I get it. We've been bred on the idea of a corporation as an evil entity bent on pure unfiltered malfeasance. The fallacy here is that one trtuh does not validate the following suppositions. Yes, they are out to make money. That's kind of the idea behind a business. The notion that such a drive is fundamentallyevil, because of power or greed or what have you, is one best left to people who really miss the hammer and sickle days.



If you've taken any kind of economics or business class in high school or college, you should know by now that a company that doesn't listen (at least on some level) to their clients is doomed to failure. I mean, seriously? If Bioware was the monolithic pillar of indifference you're thinking them to be, then we'd never have played ME2 at all. They would have folded early on - like Baldur's Gate 2 early on. I get the allure, though; the reasoning follows that since Bioware was acquired by the Evil Empire That Is Electronic Arts (he who controls the spice controls the future DLC)-



- it follows that Bioware has immediately taken on the mantle of evil apprentice to EA's sith lord. But that's just oversimplification - it's the cry of foul from the jaded gamer.

Bioware's in it to make money, and has chosen to do so by trying to make products people love. How do you get there? By listening. Like it or not, believe it or not, Bioware and companies like them DO listen. It's utter nonsense to believe that they don't; their survival depends on it. Before the PR catastrophe that's lately occurred, Bioware was adamant about handling issues in house. Artists would routinely check out the latest fan art offerings on DeviantArt to see how their creations were being digested. Hell, one of their newest artists got his position based solely on the virtues of his fan art of Mass Effect characters. Even with the flubs concerning community managers, Bioware is savvy enough at what they do to ingest community feedback, filter out what's non-applicable (we're not all genius creators, let's please stop fooling ourselves) and apply what's best not only for the fanbase, but the product itself. Yes, all of this erudition and interplay is aimed at a profit, but you can't MAKE a profit if the quality of the work suffers. They know this equation, and it's in no way shape or form a red flag pointing to their allegiance to the Dark Side.



Good Game = Profit, and by extension, Listening + (Following Trends + Innovation where needed)( Attention to detail and quality) = Good Game. Sure, they could have handled the current crisis better, or not allowed EA to step in on something they've routinely handled themselves, but that's no an issue of them being malevolent; it's simply an issue of bad PR management, and some of the suits at EA adopting that whole pedigree/opinion gig I mentioned earlier.

2. They hole up and create without ANY feedback or input from us.

Now this is a bit more understandable. It's easy to get depressed and take on this tunnel-vision of not being able to make a difference when a creator does something you don't approve of. Why should they listen to you? What good is it to reach out and appeal to someone who gets paid to create? Won't that make them instantly know that they know more about things then you do?

Well, yes. Chances are they do know their craft. That's why they get paid. But that's not to say that they aren't capable of making mistakes. We get to a point where our fandom blinds us to the basic fact: talented though they might be, they are human and fallible. They can make mistakes. I think one of the fumbles with the PR regarding the ME3 extended ending DLC is that Bioware or EA seem unwilling to accept that notion themselves, and instead of simply stating "The ending wasn't as clear as we initially thought it was, so we're adding content to solve that problem," we get the the obfuscating advertising jargon that the press release seems to be littered with.



But even if we take the idea of the two head writers sequestering themselves in a room to craft the ending on their own, it's not like these creative decisions are made in a complete vacuum. The story is picked over by a team, which is picked over by various departments concerning cinematics, ADR sessions, build teams, and even the art departments and auxiliaries. Even at just the writing level, every option and story arc is agonized over and picked apart by committee long before it even gets the green light by the high ups. They're looking for continuity, clarity, pacing, and believe it or not the most important thing they are looking at is how fans might react. Not a single creative talent out there who is banking on a paycheck from their work ever goes at the craft with their fingers in their ears.

The mere fact that this DLC is coming out at all, regardless if you agree with the decision or not, shows that they're listening. You might cry out that it's just a hallmark of them trying to cover their own asses and please shareholders. Yes. It is. I really need you to go back and re-read point one again. No, it might not be the ending you want, or even touch on or confirm whatever theories you subscribe to, but to argue that Bioware's not listening at all at this point is flat out untrue by way of empirical evidence. They're listening, and it doesn't matter why you think they are listening. They do care, even if it's not on the mutual-friends-on-facebook way you want them to care. Either way, that works out in our favor.

No, seriously. It's a fantastic truth.

Warren Spector was quoted at GDC, stating "Games are unique among all media, among all art forms. We are not novels. We are not movies. We aren't television. We shouldn't try to be like that. We can do things that no other medium in human history has ever been able to do. We have to focus our energy on those things, the things that makes us unique."

Take DLC. It's simply the law of the land now, even though gamers railed against it's impetus. I was guilty of this too, because I could not stop and really explore the opportunities it presented. Now, I take full advantage of them. New weapons and armor? Awesome. New maps and game modes for multiplayer? Friggin' sweet. You're giving me expanded missions and side quests to prolong the replayability of my old game? SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY. We may scoff at the idea, or grumble that the DLC is just a way to nickle and dime us to death, but more often than not good DLC breathes new life into games we might have otherwise shelved, given away, or sold off.



It's opportunity on both sides of the equation. We accept patches now, because it gives developers the chance to fix unforeseeable issues. You can test and test and test into a comatose state, but you can never truly know what a player will find or do with your title until it's out there in the wild. The same's unfortunately true for how the story will be received.

DLC is the opportunity, as Mr. Spector stated, for games to focus on what makes them unique. And one of the things that makes them unique is that the experience is rarely a fixed affair. While player agency might not reign supreme (seriously, folks, even ME3 is the conclusion to a finite choose-your-own-adventure), that doesn't mean that the story can not be augmented, adjusted, adapted, or even completely rewritten. Published books don't have that luxury. In-theater movies don't have that flexibility. Television shows don't have that expanse of leisure.

So while there was a crowd screaming "you owe us", what they should have been yelling is "this is your opportunity- don't waste it". Bioware owes us nothing beyond what they must undertake in order to remain successful. They defended their art, and rightly so. Geeks often jump to the defense of games as an artform, but that suddenly flies out the window when they feel themselves wronged, and the volume of their ire increases based on the two wrong assumptions I just covered. There were faults on both sides of the coin, but we can't have it both ways, guys and gals. If games are an artform, then we have to be ready to respect if not accept the sanctity of the creator's work; not to refrain from critique, but to understand that we do not get the right to demand a change to anything that does not effect the mechanics of gameplay itself. The outcry to Mass Effect 3's ending is, valid or not, one concerning creative choices. It has nothing to do with whether or not the game works, and we do not get the right to scream for a fix.

However, that's where opportunity comes in. Bioware, and game companies in general, CAN leverage DLC when it comes to creative concerns. If there's anything truly new about the conversation, it's that these companies and creative teams can address these kinds of issues if they so choose. They can fix dialogue, or poor voice acting. They can combat plot holes and murky narrative elements. They can flat out rewrite things that contradict earlier developments.



If they choose to.

I would ask that, if there's a need for a "new conversation" for the sake of the current debate, that the new discussion take on the role of gentle reminder rather than screaming advisor or personal antagonist. Instead of attacking, simply and patiently remind those you support of the tools at their disposal. Will they agree with you? Maybe, maybe not. But I for one would certainly be more apt to listening to the well-intentioned and calmly delivered statement about what my options are rather than what I MUST do.

They owe us nothing, but profit aside they've given a lot, and know they have the power to make us happier so we'll buy more games. That's REALLY exciting to me.

But that's only if we can begin to accept a LOT of things that we've flatly refused to consider before now. Otherwise... well... would you really want to do anything for a group of people who are making physical threats against your person all because of an idea you thought was awesome at the time you wrote it?

Bioware, unfortunately, is now too big to fail. I don't mean that in the same way certain financial institutions and auto companies tried to convince the government of a few years back. I mean that Bioware has grown to the point in popularity where every move is triple-guessed by the outside world, and that when a mistake is made it's now a no-win situation, even if they bend over backwards to solve it. There's no version of this now where the larger portion of their fanbase will be pleased, or at least accepting.

We geeks are a passionate lot, and what fools we geeks be.

The conversation between the creator and consumer remains unchanged. What's changed, at least in the video games medium, is how content, art, and story can be handled and shared.

I'll just end here with a quote from Ken Levine from Irrational Games: "I think this whole thing is making me a little bit sad because I don't think anyone would get what they wanted if that happened." He was referring to the prospect of Bioware completely scrapping the ending they delivered with Mass Effect 3 and implementing (trying to implement) an ending that would please the fans.

The only winners here are the companies who don't have "Bioware" written on their letterheads. Perhaps we could simply accept that, and hope that the next opportunity is seized, or considered, before we reach for the digital muskets.

More info about my upcoming novel

Here's yet more details from my upcoming novel. This covers some of the major-player groups that can be found in the world, and even how they relate to one another. To set this up, there was a global empire that existed before the timeframe of the novel, known as the Vizier Empire. The Vizier themselves were, effectively, wizards. Their power was unchallenged until the invention of the Airship, and a literal Industrial Revolution that rose up to destroy the reign of the Vizier.

After that, came a man known as Absalohm the Enlightened, who showed all the hallmarks of genius even from a young age. He perfected the existing airship technology and the sciences that surrounded the art. His works pushed the world of Calopa into a renaissance of progressive advancement  in nearly all scientific, communication, and creative disciplines. Then, seemingly without warning or preamble, Absalohm launched a devestating series of attacks across the world that nearly brought it to the brink of collapse. Absalohm the enlightened was then known by many unkind names, none of which so appropriate as Absalohm the Betrayer. His flagship, the Golden Aegis, was the pinnacle of innovation and unrivaled in the skies. The novel takes place after his defeat, and the detruction of the Golden Aegis itself.

The Mechana Templaris
A paramilitary group only loosely associated with the Admiralty, The Mechana Templaris are a group of warrior-engineers who are equal parts vigilantes, mercenaries and renowned heroes. They augment their bodies by utilizing mechanical limbs, powered exo-suits, and other inventions to overcome personal injuries or simply give themselves an advantage. They ally themselves with no particular group, choosing instead to fight for whatever they perceive to be the most noble cause (or contract) at a given time. They are located mostly on land, but maintain a small group of sizable airships to allow them to take their fight to the skies.


Their motto is: A posi av esseh - from Old Common, meaning "From the imagined to reality". The group also includes ambulatory constructs known as Wardolls, that are used on ground missions.


Arithnomancers (Church of Sums to detractors)
"The Grand Ordered", as initiates refer to the group at large, is one of the splinter sects of the original Vizier Empire, and the only one to maintain any manner of influence and funding among the governments of Calopa. Members of the order all have retained the hereditary trait of being able to affect probability, and possess keen insights into the mathematics that make up the world around us such as it relates to physics, architecture, meteorology, biology, and limited precognitions based on probability. They maintain a guild-structure, with adherents being bound by a strict code of conduct, and all disciplinary measures being effected in-guild. Outside of the Guild, it's members are held to Admiralty Law; a Guild member must be present on any ship as crew or brought aboard before said ship is allowed to dock with any Admiralty or Sha-Mercantile Skyhold. This eliminates the natural dangers that are ever-present for at-altitude operations, and greatly reduces the chances of mid-air disaster.


Other laws and strictures include: Arithnomancers can not hold political office, preside over mercantile services, nor are they allowed to captain a vessel themselves. Moreover, any person that is identified as an Arithnomancer must submit themselves to the Guild for membership, or be declared anathema. Rogue Arithnomancers rarely enjoy freedom for long, as both the Guild and the Admiralty take all measures to hunt them down before they can wreak lasting harm with their unique abilities.


Theurgists
Another splinter group of the original Vizier Empire, the Theurgists are considered the most rare, but least dangerous branch of the Vizier bloodline. Because of their limited numbers and less dangerous powers, Theurgists enjoy personal autonomy, and do not organize themselves into any kind of larger group structure. Depending on the nation you find them in, they are referred to as Witch-fey, bone-throwers, glamourists, sages, lokir, shamans and wisepeople. They can speak with the dead and elemental spirits; create minor visual illusions; but their chief strength comes from their ability to heal the sick and wounded through apparently entirely magical means.


It's this unique ability that convinced The Admiralty to employ a group of Theurgists who aid in medical matters aboard Admiralty ships or at Skyhold hospitals, and who can also provide limited illusions for defensive or offensive means. World-bound Theurgists tend to revile these Admiralty ilk, referring to them as Hollowmen, and seeing their loyalty to The Admiralty as a sign of sickness and betrayal of the “natural order”.


Augir
The Augir are the most mysterious and therefor feared branch of the original Vizier Empire bloodline. Their talents lie predominantly with elementalism, spell-craft, and awe-inspiring displays of destruction when they feel threatened. The Admitalty clearly remembers the war of attrition that brought the Vizier empire to an end, and how the powers of the Augir were largely responsible for the vicious nature of the fighting. To that end, persons born with this branch of the bloodline are deported to the southern land of Ahmshere, where the Augir have formed into a separate nation. Ahmshere maintains an uneasy truce with the rest of the world; agreeing to take newborn Talents into their care, in exchange for diplomatic and economic relations as overseen by the Sha Mercantile. Such a truce ensures that the purges of old will never be necessary again, and that the Augir themselves can not raise the Vizier empire from the ashes. The Augir possess no airships and no sea vessels, relying only on the trade lines from the Mercantile for any imported goods and services. 


However, the main harbor into Ahmshere (called simply The World Gate), is heavily defended, and no ship of the air or sea is permitted to enter without clearance. To that end, the nation of Ahmshere is considered a no-fly zone, and the Admiralty will not prosecute cases of wayward travelers vanishing in Ahmshere waters or airspace.


The Azure Admiralty
Initially formed in the twilight days of the Vizier empire as a mercantile guild to monopolize on the invention of airships and airship trade, the Admiralty quickly grew into a powerful military and diplomatic force that is credited as the key influence in bringing down the Vizier and restoring democratic rule to the world of Calopa. Since that victory, their power and influence has grown to such heights that they now oversee the greater portions of Calopa's air-travel, air-trade, and upper crust citizenship. They are funded through taxes collected from nations that are signed members of the Accord. In exchange for these tithes, Accord nations enjoy the protection of the Admiralty's sky-ships, and the Admiralty maintains the air-based ports, docking structures, cities and security interests. The Admiralty is considered a nation unto itself, with the unique quality of being a nation that is almost entirely based in the sky.


Admiralty citizens (often called “skyborn” or “pigeons” by detractors) enjoy unfettered access to all Admiralty holdings and comforts (which often exceed the quality of life of their land-based counterparts) without having to pay the nominal fees or taxes other nations must to utilize Admiralty holdings.


The Admiralty enforces the law of the air and it's influence over Calopa via the Grand Aeronaut Armada; a collection of airships outfitted for war and unmatched in the skies. Decades of development from lessons learned during the fall of the Vizier empire have produced the most effective and devastating weaponry and ship-building sciences to date, and all aspects of development fell under the Admiralty's control. That is, until Absalohm created the Golden Aegis.


Sha-Mercantile
Once the admiralty had secured it's hold on the skies, a few of the original guild members abstained, and created a world-wide merchants guild to bridge the needs of sky and earth alike, and to rebuild the shattered global economy and supply chains of Calopa after the fall of the Vizier Empire. Altruism aside, the shrewd masters of this new global guild set the odds in their favor to net a tidy profit while providing such services. Sha-Mercantile agents control the individual trade nexuses in the sky, and the Admiralty gives them autonomy (within reason) as the Sha-mercantile fulfills a necessary role that the Admiralty had relinquished responsibility over. The Sha-Mercantile itself is broken up into smaller guilds, with Scions leading them and representing the particular interest or trade they manage. As the Sha-Mercantile deals more with the world at large than the admiralty, they are more in tune with the political, geographical, spiritual and monetary needs and differences of various countries, and therefore often act in a diplomatic or advising role on behalf of the Admiralty.


The Unaligned Nation/ The Corsair Fleet
A growing group of malcontents and dissidents who have managed to gather an impressive number of sea and air ships, the Corsair Fleet call no single country home, and while the bulk of the Fleet is perpetually on the move one can find their holds hidden away in almost every major port of Calopa, including key Admiralty Skyholds (without their knowledge, of course). First emerging at the tail end of the war that ended the Vizier Empire, the Fleet was comprised originally of patriots who had fought in the war itself, and who pushed for a system of government that provided sovereignty not just for every nation, but for the skies above them as well. The rise of the Admiralty saw those dreams come to an end, as one group monopolized the air, and enforced their “blue rule” above ever country save for Ahmshere. Today, the Fleet gathers more and more support even though they are branded as pirates by the Admiralty, Sha-Mercantile, and most countries. The ultimate goal of the Fleet appears to be the breaking of the Admiralty's monopoly and hegemony; which the Corsair Fleet equates to the same level of oppression visited upon Calopa by the Vizier Empire.


The Stone Brethren
The stone Brethren are a fanatical group that has been labeled as a cult and terrorists, and outlawed in most countries. Their core belief is that any branch of the Vizier bloodline is demon-tainted, and that the byproduct of their reign (flight) is an affront to what they call the All-Mother; their matron deity. To that end, they will viciously attack any airship unlucky enough to have to land outside any Admiralty or Sha-Mercantile terra-hold (earth based docking platforms)., and will go out of their way to purge whatever land they find themselves in of any trace of the Vizier bloodlines. Recently, their numbers have swelled in the wake of destruction that Absalohm and the Golden Aegis rained down upon Calopa.


The Acolytes, Absalohm's Chosen, The Scions of Absalohm, The Illuminated Echelon
Known by many names, these were the most dedicated of the legion of followers that flocked to Absalohm's cause and helped him to build the Golden Aegis. Since the apparent defeat of Absalohm and the destruction of the Golden Aegis, they have largely attempted to blend back into society, though some operate openly in bids to co-opt the discoveris and inventions of Absalohm the Enlightened. The Corsair Fleet is rumored to be currently guided by the more even-handed and freedom-centric former lieutenants of Absalohm.


As Absalohm was tried in abstentia for his crimes against Calopa, there is a standing bounty for any and all of his officers, soldiers, scientists, or crew that served aboard the Golden Aegis. Those found face a swift trial followed by an execution in the manner of the Admiralty or sovereign nation's choosing.


More details soon, including a sneak peek at Chapter One! Stay tuned.

Why I am a Geek and what that means to me

My name is Xero Reynolds, and I have a confession to make.

I am a geek.

No, that's not the confession- that's a statement of chest-swelling pride.

No, the confession is that it wasn't until the past seven years or so that I could proclaim my geekdom without any sense of irony or slight shame. It's surprising, given the nature of things even seven years ago, but it really did take the explosion of the geek as an idea of celebration to really make me comfortable with the notion; the idea that I'm not the weirdo or the pariah. I am welcomed. I am valued. I am home.

Now before this begins to sound like grade A undiluted maudlin, I need to qualify the tone of this piece, so hopefully you will be able to see where I'm coming from and how earnest this confession really is. I'll be freely dating myself with examples here, so bear with me. Yes. I'm 31 years old. Yes, I saw the dawn of electronic man, utilized the crudely-shaped but purposeful tool that was dial-up, and bore witness to the ominous black monolith that bore the sigil of America Online. Can we all accept that and move forward? Excellent.








My cane has a +20 vs. Youthful Exuberance.

Get off of my lawn, etc etc.

The tone needs to be established, because this is a very personal piece for me. In my heart of hearts, I wish this could be the message I could send back to my younger self – provided, that is, that I could get a hold of a DeLorean, a flux capacitor, and an arbitrary speed prerequisite for time travel. I would love for past-tense me to be able to read this, but sadly he can't. He can't this see message, that is; I assure you that past-tense me is literate. He can read. Stop judging.

And, once again, I'm turning to humor to sort this out. Only this time, the humor's decidedly self-referential (necessity) and perhaps a bit self-effacing (unintended but ultimately unavoidable).

Right now, I have the latest sonic offering from Felicia Day and Jed Whedon (I'm the One that's Cool) blaring on my laptop, and I have to give credit where it's due. This song gave me the much needed push to write up this piece, and is in and of itself an empowering anthem in it's own right. I know, I know. That sounds completely fanboyish and silly of me. Yes, it is. I'm a fanboy. But silly?

Absolutely not.

After watching it with me last night, my wife Katy admitted that parts of it made her tear up as she remembered similar experiences that happened to her in school. I replied that it made me smile to the point of face-splitting threshold. The song says it all: You tormented me to secure your popularity and cool factor. Too bad that it counts for nothing outside of school.

While I'm not trying to co-opt an excellent campaign, the phrase “it gets better” really does apply here. That's what I want to convince my younger self of. It gets better. Not only does it get better, it gets downright fantastic.







This is what Google returned for "fantastic". If I have to suffer, so do you.

Up until my last two year of high school (and sometimes even then), I was in Hell. It was bad enough that I was almost perpetually the new kid due to my family's propensity for moving, but when you couple that with an introverted mien, add in a voracious love of knowledge and learning with little regard for sports, supplement a popular kid's wardrobe for whatever my mom could actually afford at the time, pump in a very early acceptance into the Gifted/Talented curriculum program, and liberally sprinkle in a runt's frame and penchant for actively seeking out trivia and pastimes that few others (at the time) cared about, you get a recipe for a world-class whipping boy.







This a completely accurate representation of my usual commute home from school. only, replace Jack Sparrow with a younger me, the cannibals with bullies, and the soaring orchestration of Hans Zimmer with my blubbering cries for help and shrieks of pain. Completely accurate.
Elementary and Junior High held a lot of similarities for me. I was perpetually beaten up. I was ostracized and ridiculed to the point of staying home as much as I could; not out of some slacker hooky mentality, but just to escape the aggressors. Those days found me in the Library on my free time, the Counselor's office, or hiding in my bedroom. I would poor over science and history books. tear through video games and sci-fi shows, and gorge myself on nerd-friendly memes before that word ever became a commonplace entry into our lexicon. The few (very few) friends I had were my only other outlet, and they too would often choose retreating to their room over any other social interaction. Instead of going out to the hang-out spots, we were beating the crap out of each other in Eternal Champions on the Genesis, or navigating out way through poorly lit pixelated hallways in Aliens vs. Predator on the Jaguar.







Don't laugh. This was the shit as far as we were concerned. Ok, you can laugh a little.
Yeah, my friend's mom was cool enough to buy him a Jaguar. I think they both feel very silly about this decision now, so let's not salt wounds.

We would opt out of wine-cooler laden underage parties in favor of anime marathons on the Sci-Fi channel. We'd argue the nature of A.I.'s and what the future would really look like. We'd rent Nintendo, then Super Nintendo, then Playstation games and anime titles from the video store, and annihilate our weekends. We'd drown ourselves in a whirlpool of liquid nerdgasm.

We'd have fun, and I'd hate myself even more for it.

Bruises healed, clothes were replaced, lunch money would come again, but nothing would convince me that things would ever improve. So, like any awkward geek-fledgling, I retreated even further into my off-kilter pursuits as a form of escapism. The problem was, I began to associate my hobbies and favorites with the trauma of whatever fresh torment was visited upon me.

In short, my geeky loves (the things I pursued to comfort myself) were not only the solution to my pain, but they were the cause of it. I was a Geek because I loved what it offered, and I was routinely punished for being a Geek. It's easy for me to disabuse myself of such a circular fallacy now, but remember that at this point and time I was a scrawny nothing with no support system and no other empirical evidence beyond the simple equation that Dungeons & Dragons earned me a black eye, and that the only way to feel better or forget about that fact was to roll up another character.







For me, "parties" had a significantly different meaning, and I could get drunk with no real lasting harm, save to the campaign.
The only thing that seemed to alter this infernal-circle-that-Dante-forgot-to-mention-in-his-fucking-book was a late term growth spurt that shot me up almost a foot and added almost one hundred pounds to my frame during my last two years of High School. (Thanks, genetics. Had to take your sweet fucking time, didn't ya?) Suddenly the visual cue for the bullies went from “he's a dorky toothpick, sic'em” to “He's in my weightlifting class, and can bench 250...let's just walk around him”.

Now, by no means did my metamorphosis suddenly transform me into one of the cool kids ala a John Hughes wet dream. It just meant that the ridicule was no longer overt. It also bears saying that at this point I discovered my high school's outstanding theater and AV program, but that hardly helped my credit score with the popular-crowd loan sharks. I was still a social pariah. I was a geek, a theater-nerd, a chess-club-member spaz, and all-around uncool character. I spent more on Magic: The Gathering cards than my mom did on my first car. You know: back when Chaos Orb was still something new, and whispered about in hushed tones of paralyzing deck-destroying fear.

I'm old. Shut up.







In my day, we had standard lands for our mana pool, and we LIKED it!
Oh, and did I mention I was on the school newspaper, culminating in an Editor position by my senior year? Toss in a stint with the marching band and I'd be a perfect storm of youth-culture leprosy.

Oh wait. I did do a stint with the High School marching band. Fuck.







This wasn't me, but good lord it might as well have been.
So if anything could be said for those last two years, it's only that my Hell became more quiet, with less active clear-and-present torment. Fortunately, Dante DID describe that circle. It's the one that describes the Ice Capades as directed by H.R. Geiger. I went from physical torment to purely psychological torment, and for the life of me I still can not decide which one was worse. Is it better to at least get some form of social interaction, albeit twisted and corrupt; or to stand on the fringes and deal with it in forced silence?

It doesn't help that this was also around the time that the female sex became REALLY interesting to me, and I was still only as interesting to them as a creepy insect might be interesting to your average high-school prom queen candidate.

But still, I had friends here and there. I repeated process with the games and movies and tabletop adventures and futurism debates. I hated myself some more. Lather, rinse, repeat.

By the time I got out, I had made it a point to forgo everything I loved, because I had come to the mistaken conclusion that my hobbies were intrinsically linked to how I was to be accepted or rejected by society. In short, I became a raging asshole on the same echelon of the ones that hurt me. I abstained from the slices of fantasy and sci-fi that thrilled me and gave me hope; or at least license to dream. I laid aside video games in the pursuit of getting “mad game”.

And I hated myself even more for what I was turning into.

My life in the years between 18 and 21 were a sublime (sublime here having the meaning of soul-crushing) stint of introspection and identity search. I came to more incorrect conclusions; the chief of these being that there was simply something undeniably wrong with me, and that I was simply destined to not be happy. And then? I met Katy.







Halle-fucking-lujah!
Katy must be credited here, because she was instrumental not only in snapping me to my senses, but making me feel comfortable in my own skin. Here was a Geeky gamer chic who was beautiful, smart, independent, and most importantly proud of the things she loved to do. We watched toonami together, Rurouni Kenshin on old VHS tapes, played Dead or Alive on Dreamcast till the wee hours of the morning, and she introduced me to her group of friends who were all like me. We started up a roleplay group, watched the Gorillaz special on Cartoon Network, ran a Highlander marathon-







There can be only one ... television series. There can be as many movies as we damned well please.
We drowned in a whirlpool of liquid nerdgasm. Again. Only this time, finally, I was coming around to where I did not feel completely ashamed.

The years passed, and I slowly but surely became more comfortable with the idea of being a geek. Being me. The taunts and jeers faded into the background, muffled by the love of my then fiancee and the solidarity of the circle of geeks I had found myself lucky enough to stumble upon. The internet began to take shape and form under the guiding influence of like-minded geeks, and I realized that there was something magical happening; Geek was slowly but surely becoming something to not only aspire to, but to completely revel in.

This was further impressed upon me by the conventions I went to, first as a visitor, and then as a special guest. I felt even more welcomed and wanted and appreciated, and suddenly my vast catalog of trivia and knowledge was no longer a handicap, but something bordering on a celebrated mutant power.

Excelsior, bitches.

I suddenly went from feeling beaten down by the world around me to feeling empowered by it. Here was the nation without borders, and our standard is whatever we personally want it to be at any given time. Our Constitution is written in ascii, pascal, java, c+; printed on the vellum of html, css, flash; it bears the legendary signatures of millions of fans and creators; its tenets are ever in flux and ever the same. Here is the promise of equality- where politics, religion, sex, and creed might intrude, but never truly guide our laws and interactions with one another. Here is the country where the fiercest debates are the pros and cons of Picard or Kirk, Baker or Tennant (or any of the timelords). Trek or Wars; Apple or Windows or Linux; The Three Laws or the Prime Directive; Dub or sub. Here, finally, was home.

We are the Geek Nation. Look upon our works, ye jocks, and despair!

To be a Geek is a wondrous thing in a time where your nation is just clicks of a mouse away. Sure, there will be struggles; there will be hurdles set in your path by the school kids who don't get it. There will be times where you will think that you're a freak, and damaged, and that what you love is wrong. I'm here to tell you, because I can't tell my past-self this: that is utter and complete bullshit.

I won't wax the platitude about “we're running the show in the real world”, because that's simply not true. The reality is so much better than that. SO much more exciting and fantastic. The truth of the matter is, that geeks are not running the world outside of your school days. We're not in charge of the goings on. We do not rule the world. However...

Look at the most popular money-earning television shows. Check out the past five years of blockbuster movies, or other entertainment. Check out the rise of gaming. Smartphones? Computers? Text-speak? Fashionable bits and accessories and art for all of that? Increased speed and bandwidth in your lovely wi-fi connection? Notice anything, yet?

We did that. You're most welcome. Feel free to bow, or kneel in awe.







Hey. The man said KNEEL.
We drive the industries, and other industries benefit because of it. Like your celebrity gossip? Think it's not geeky? Bitch, please. We crafted the allure and dedication to trivia and communication needs necessary to bring you TMZ. Like football? Enjoying the new graphics and animated segments and real-time information relays that help you know what's-what? Hi. We're the gamers that you can thank for informing those creative decisions at the corporate level. Don't even get me started on “fantasy football”. Did you enjoy The Dark Knight or Iron Man? Ha. We have number 1 issues, mint condition. Love being able to text those silly little acronyms to save you time on your smartphone? Lovely. Newsgroups, alt.vista, mIRC, IM, Lan games, MMO's. We ARE your precious shorthand Oxford.

No. We do not rule the world. We fucking CREATE it.

To my past self, and all adherents and patriots of our proud Geek nation: you are powerful and needed. You are the dreamers that will craft the future, even as you argue over what that future might be. Like the 10th Doctor, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

To the cool, the bullies, or the tragically hip of the world, I'll simply leave you with this, as Felicia and Jed said it better than I ever could:






Now WE'RE the ones that are cool. The rest of the world failed their saving throw.

My name is Xero Reynolds, and I am a proud Geek.